The traditional grand finale of Wildcat Welcome, an all-expenses paid trip to Six Flags, was made impossible this year due to the Coronavirus pandemic, leaving the Class of 2024 without the formative first-year experience that many upperclassmen hold dear. But when all else seemed lost, Northwestern released some uplifting news as to how they would make it up to the Class of 2024. According to an email sent by President Morton Schapiro, the Northwestern Administration is bringing Six Flags to
She wasn’t even that hot.
Well known for their prompt correction of social issues, fraternities and sororities immediately responded to the situation once they reached the adequate threshold of personal shame.
The employees have responded positively to the changes, even going above and beyond their required training when it came to stripping customers of their morale.
I took it upon myself to travel to The Skeld to investigate just how good of a democracy they have.
“I really feel for Ol’ Donald during his period of isolation. I simply cannot imagine a night without the tunes boppin’, a drink in my hand, and a hot wife to rail, much less two weeks! It’s truly a tragedy of our generation.”
Many of the boomers polled are members of Done with the Injustice of the Coffee Kraze (DICK), an organization founded by Jack Goff, 69, to give boomers a safe space to vent.
When asked what made her decide to take this stand, Collins explained, “I looked really good in the photo. Oh, you mean the caption? Well, I just wanted to make an impact and encourage people to be politically active!”
“Every day I hose down the walls. Then I turn on the heat on low, so we can marinate in the humidity.”
Weinberg Sophomore Sarah Tennant is not on campus this quarter, but she has found one way to bring a little bit of the college experience home: by forcing herself out of her room while her “roommate” has someone over. “I realized that online classes and virtual hangouts with friends weren’t enough,” she said. “What I was really missing was awkwardly sitting in the dorm lounge trying not to think about my roommate and Kyle from Econ and what they’re doing