[NU Spork] Five Helpful Tips for Dorm-Brewing

Got your fake ID stolen? Can’t get your upperclassmen friends to score a handle of Skol for you? Not a fan of the mouthwash taste? You won’t have to deal with these bummers if you make your own fun juice! Making your own booze in your tiny room at Plex can sound like a daunting challenge but it’s also very rewarding. Just follow these simple suggestions and you’ll be on your way to tipsyville by the end of the school year.

1. The best ingredients might be right next to you.
Believe it or not, you don’t need expensive, hard-to-get ingredients to make delicious drinks. Take advantage of the dining halls. With apples, oranges, pears, and bananas readily available, there are plenty of exotic, obscure drinks to be made. With some imagination, that plate of mashed potatoes could turn into your very own line of vodka.

2. Keep your friends close, your CAs closer.
What kind of CAs you’re dealing with has a lot to do with where, what, when, and how you’re going to go about making your own brews. With a meticulous CA, you’re going to be limited to the corner under your bed. With an oblivious one, you could be far more daring with your approach. Go ask permission to use the basement trunk room for your organic chemistry project. Your CA might say why not. CAs often come with different needs that also affect your brewing operations. Sometimes, the CA might want a small taste of the mead you’re making. Other times he might want a small part of the profit share. Regardless, always keep your CAs satisfied.

3. Sanitation is key.
Not much needs to be said here. It’s a fine, fine line between low quality alcohol and sewage. “Try not to give people food poisoning” is a good life tip in general.

4. Experiment! (at your own risk.)
There are hundreds of thousands of plants out there in the world. Any plant starch can be turned into potable liquid fun. While Germany may have the Reinheitsgebot,1 your own brews are not under those jurisdictions. Have fun, be daring. Who knows what that left over birthday cake could turn into with the right combination?

5. Don’t be greedy.
Plenty of dorm-brewers come across temptations to turn their operations into a business upstart. Keep in mind, most dorm-breweries that went venture almost always fail for one reason or another: uptight CAs, nosy CAs, disgruntled CAs, you name it. Always keep in mind why you’re making alcohol. You’re not doing it to become filthy rich like the depression era bootleggers. It’s about having fun and keeping the party going. Keep it chill. Share the good times. Guy down the hallway comes knocking for a last-ditch attempt at reviving his room pregame? Go on, make his day. Put your entrepreneurial skills to a good cause.

1 Strict laws governing ingredients of beer.

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