Congress Responds to Boston Explosions: “We Need More Bombs”

WASHINGTON — Congress acted quickly following the explosions that claimed three lives and injured many more at the Boston Marathon, resolving that the only way to fight against a bomb threat is for every person to have a bomb themselves. The bill that passed into law easily through both the Senate and the House legalized the possession of bombs by any American citizen over the age of 18.

“Bombs don’t kill people, people kill people,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “We need to defend against these terrorists by giving them their own medicine. This bill will increase the overall safety of any American household, and now I—I mean the American people—don’t have to worry about those unnecessarily tedious background checks.”

NRA Executive Vice President Wayne Lapierre released a statement that read, “This is another step in the right direction for the American people.  I will not rest, however, until there is a bomb in every household, school, daycare center, retirement home, jail, and mental rehabilitation center.”

The American people have responded with mixed reviews to the recent legislation, as 5% of them are in favor, 32% oppose, and the other 63% have just given up.

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