Category Archives: No. 108

A Review of Found: A Restaurant Fit for a Stefon

I just heard about this absolutely fabulous social house (it’s not the same as a restaurant, but I won’t expect you to know the difference) from Stefon called Found. Once he said that it had both fried chicken and caviar on the menu, I knew I would die if I didn’t go there. So, this past weekend, my girlfriends and I decided to head over, and, let me tell you, it was the absolute best culinary experience I’ve had since

That Guy in the Justin Bieber Song to Perform at A&O Ball

EVANSTON — The rapper from the Justin Bieber song “Baby” is officially slated to perform at A&O Ball Saturday. Reports indicate that this is also the same person who made a guest appearance in the Enrique Iglesias song “Tonight I’m Loving You.” Student reaction to the news has been mainly positive with many feeling on top of the world. RTVF freshman and A&O member Carol Lang said, “When I heard, I was like, yeah! The guy featured in that Usher

NU Students “Just Have Too Much Going on Right Now” to Riot

EVANSTON — Northwestern students took to the streets on Thursday after hearing that “Dillo Day,” a cherished drinking and musical school tradition, had been canceled by the City of Evanston. Evanston officials cited the celebration’s notorious reputation for “buffoonery, hooliganism, and excessive levels of smiling,” and added that “New Brunswick had done basically the same thing at Rutgers,” and they certainly weren’t “going to let New Jersey be more civilized.” “OMG Evanston cancelled Dillo?!? Let’s riot! #tisdahlsucks #takebackdillo” tweeted Weinberg

Congress Responds to Boston Explosions: “We Need More Bombs”

WASHINGTON — Congress acted quickly following the explosions that claimed three lives and injured many more at the Boston Marathon, resolving that the only way to fight against a bomb threat is for every person to have a bomb themselves. The bill that passed into law easily through both the Senate and the House legalized the possession of bombs by any American citizen over the age of 18. “Bombs don’t kill people, people kill people,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “We need

Wildcat Fan Congratulates Field Hockey Player for Her Team’s Success

EVANSTON — When Bienen sophomore Kayla Toussmann found out that Emily DeGrout, her fellow sophomore and classmate in Italian 101-3, was on the field hockey team, she felt excited to be in the presence of such a successful athlete. “The field hockey team, like, never loses,” said Toussmann. “It’s the one sport our school is actually good at! When Emily told me, ‘Gioco a hockey su prato’—‘I play field hockey’—I was all like, ‘Oh mio dio! Questo è fantastico! Congratulazioni!’”

Comm Majors Pass Art Class, Flipside Obtains Syllabus to Find Out How

Reports indicate that Communications majors are passing art classes with ease. The Northwestern Flipside has obtained a copy of a typical art department class syllabus to investigate how on earth this could possibly occur. The syllabus has been reprinted verbatim below. Week 1: Discuss our favorite feelings, textures. Be prepared to explain the last time you cried. Homework: Spend 30 minutes exploring your heart, and then spend 30 minutes drawing mindlessly. Week 2: History of famous artists. You are allowed

CNN Planning Terrorist Attack to Ensure They Get the Facts Right This Time

ATLANTA, GA — Following their botched reporting of last Tuesday’s Boston Marathon bombings, during which the once-venerable network continually reported unverified (and untrue) claims as fact, cable news outlet CNN has announced a controversial plan to formulate and launch a terrorist attack on US soil. Cable News Network’s parent company Time Warner hopes that by planning and executing a deadly, meticulous strike themselves, CNN’s reporters will actually be able to get the facts right this time. According to verified sources

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