Miley Cyrus Pledges to Stick to Cheesy Childhood Image until the Age of 45

NASHVILLE, TN — After concerns spread last week that the once-child pop-star might grow up and take on an image befitting her age and looks, Miley Cyrus yesterday put a stop to the rumors. At a press conference in her hometown of Nashville, Tennessee, she announced her plans to maintain a completely non-grown-up teen-oriented style until at least the age of “45, once it becomes appropriate for me to move on.”

The no-longer-teenage singer added, “Now that I am twenty, I think it’s the best time to get more firmly settled in the adolescent image, maybe even take it back a little bit, add some of the princess props, teddy bears, and stuff like that.”

Although some fringe industry “experts” think she should add more body to her mix, Cyrus said, “It’s not like anyone wants a singer like me to show off as much of her voluptuous body as possible, only adding some filler boom-boom tune in the background to be able to call it music. I mean, ever since Madonna, female pop music has been all about the music and lyrics, and not in the slightest bit lascivious in its visual imagery or video clips.”

The star of the 2009 film Hannah Montana: The Movie provided several examples to prove her point. “Seriously, just look at Jennifer Lopez and her totally plain butt, or Britney Spears and her completely non-Barbie looks.”

The singer remained steadfast throughout the conference about the new strategy she had presented. “If I did something crazy like twerking and suggestive moves at the VMAs and added some lewd shenanigans with, say, Robin Thicke, that would be totally useless in terms of my publicity. Nobody would care.”

About the Author

Adam Pecena
Before joining the Flipside, Adam worked as the Czech correspondent for GQ Magazine, where he covered beer, fringe sporting events, and celebrity dating. At Northwestern, he has been voted “Most Likely to Wear Crocs” by his floor mates for three consecutive years. Adam’s career highlights include heroic attempts at reviving 90’s white boy pop with his band “Czech4Lyfe.” In his free time, Adam likes to throw Starbursts at the elderly and read 19th century Russian fiction, preferably simultaneously. Recently, Adam sent a hit man to kill Jordan’s $400 black piranha because he loves killing fish, and hates Jordan.

1 Comment on "Miley Cyrus Pledges to Stick to Cheesy Childhood Image until the Age of 45"

  1. I love that Miley Cyrus has a “voluptuous” body according to this author. Thanks for reinforcing that women should have anorexia in order to be considered desirable.

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