Fraternity Apologizes in Advance for Halloween Costume

This Letter to the Editor was written by the brothers of Tappa Tappa Keg.

To the Northwestern University community:

On behalf of Tappa Tappa Keg, I would like to apologize in advance for the offensive costume a TTK member will inevitably wear this Halloween. It will be tasteless and crude, and the entire TTK fraternity asks for your forgiveness.

One would think that we would’ve learned our lesson after last year’s portrayal of John Michael Bailey’s guest speakers or the famous Domestic Housewife Incident of 2010. In fact, we have offended you with a costume every year since Frank Hendrickson donned a homemade Monica Lewinsky mask and a slave outfit in the late 90s.

Some would blame our continuous disregard for social taboo on overconsumption of alcohol and a skewed perspective of acceptable conduct caused by an excessively masculine living environment. This is not the case. We are, to be frank, assholes who don’t care.

In short, we’re going to continue to piss you off no matter what, so we might as well be nice about it. We’ll make up for it by continuing to provide you with alcohol and hookups. And if you don’t expect the offender in this year’s Halloween scandal to get laid on Halloween, you obviously don’t know TTK.

With love,
Eric Neuhoff
Vice President of Damage Control

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.