Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”

EVANSTON – A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl. In one message, Schapiro extends to Tisdahl an invitation to what he describes as his “safe space.”

“Hey baby, did you see my Washington Post article last week?” the email in question begins. Schapiro is likely referring to his recent column in which he voiced support for the establishment of “safe spaces” on college campuses, possibly in response to recent racial controversies.

Schapiro continues, “JSYK, you can come to my “safe space” anytime you like ;) It’s a cozy little place that only triggers in the best ways, if you know what I mean ;) I’ll only oppress you if you’re into it ;)”

Flipside reporters can only speculate on the hidden meanings in Schapiro’s messages, but the current theory is that he is either inviting Tisdahl to participate in initiatives to make Northwestern’s campus a more inclusive and supportive environment, or he is suggesting they rendezvous at a secluded cabin for a night of passionate, wild sexual intercourse, with the possibility of submissive roleplay.

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