Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”

EVANSTON – A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl. In one message, Schapiro extends to Tisdahl an invitation to what he describes as his “safe space.”

“Hey baby, did you see my Washington Post article last week?” the email in question begins. Schapiro is likely referring to his recent column in which he voiced support for the establishment of “safe spaces” on college campuses, possibly in response to recent racial controversies.

Schapiro continues, “JSYK, you can come to my “safe space” anytime you like 😉 It’s a cozy little place that only triggers in the best ways, if you know what I mean 😉 I’ll only oppress you if you’re into it ;)”

Flipside reporters can only speculate on the hidden meanings in Schapiro’s messages, but the current theory is that he is either inviting Tisdahl to participate in initiatives to make Northwestern’s campus a more inclusive and supportive environment, or he is suggesting they rendezvous at a secluded cabin for a night of passionate, wild sexual intercourse, with the possibility of submissive roleplay.

About the Author

Jordan Villanueva
Jordan enjoys watching Lizzie McGuire reruns on Sundays while eating stale bread with his grandmother's ashes. They add a certain flavor similar to cardamom and not dissimilar to cumin. However, Jordan's favorite spice is actually nutmeg because it reminds him of long winter nights in Argentina. It was in Argentina where Jordan worked as a nude model at the Universidad de Buenos Aires. It was in Buenos Aires that he met the love of his life, Lolita, but she tragically left him to return to Canada. Broken-hearted, Jordan now devotes himself to his work with the Northwestern Flipside and his YouTube cooking show.

Be the first to comment on "Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”"

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*