Based on the results of their recent study, the Northwestern Psychology department has determined that the last five minutes of an exam are basically always used for the sole purpose of calculating the highest possible grade still achievable.
“After several intense and exhausting testing observations, my colleagues and I were finally able to deduce the results,” said Dr. Olivia Albert, study director. “We noticed that as soon as the professor wrote five minutes on the whiteboard, the writing speed adjusted significantly.”
The report indicates they monitored tests in every subject, from American Lit to Multiple Variable Calc. Each test resulted in exactly the same results. Upon closer examination, Dr. Albert noticed that students were lightly writing calculations on the backs or corners of their papers.
“It was hard to tell with those Physics kids, but it all became clear when we entered an English classroom. Those kids wouldn’t go near a number unless it had to do with the grade they think decides their future.” Dr. Albert and her staff quickly worked out the simple mathematical equation the students were using, concluding their strenuous study.
Despite these results, professors have unanimously refused to lengthen exams by five minutes, stating that students should be spending more time studying so they can use those five minutes to actually finish the test.