As midterm season begins, the Northwestern administration is reminding students to avoid audibly sobbing when in the silent section of Mudd library. “Please be courteous to your fellow students,” said administration member Adam Harrison. “If…
“What really put me over the edge was a scary clown handing me my CHEM 212 grade and saying, ‘Oh no, I guess mommy’s little boy won’t be a doctor after all!’”
“Young people must take time to research candidates in order to make informed decisions at the polls. But I also have a chem midterm on Wednesday and know nothing.”
Sources indicate that coughed-over material does indeed have a direct correlation with said material’s relevance to the class and its prominence on the midterm.
The police report revealed countless moans of varying pitches and intensities accompanied by loud banging around 9 PM on Tuesday.
At 9 p.m. last night, chess club president Jonny Kaplan, MEAS ’18, found the room he’d reserved in Kresge completely empty, burst into tears and cried out “They must have midterms!”
“It was hard to tell with those Physics kids, but it all became clear when we entered an English classroom. Those kids wouldn’t go near a number unless it had to do with the grade they think decides their future.”
Wells proceeded to stop in the middle of an extremely crowded Sheridan and begin crying so vehemently, onlookers thought she might have suddenly started a hyena-like street performance.
The 30-year-old nurse at Evanston Hospital who had responded to the patient’s question, described the events as “nothing like I have ever seen before.”
News broke out today that a Chem 210 midterm allegedly wine-and-dined local Chemical Engineering major Tom Vogel, MEAS ’19, before relentlessly fucking him over.