“Something about how they’re rubbing their little hands together synchronously, after a new raccoon joins the circle every sixth minute, just really freaks me out,” said Steven Kasmer, WCAS ’18.
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“This explains so much about The Rock’s psyche,” he said to Flipside reporters, “It knows it’s a total failure compared to its cousin, so it covers itself in paint to mask its own inferiority complex. Truly fascinating.”
“We think that by drinking Pilsner and Rauchbier, everyone will get to experience the exquisite taste of what fraternity life has to offer. It’s essentially an upgrade from piss to something actually delightful.”
“Everyone was making hilarious jokes and plans to get bubble tea, but now anytime I ask them to get dinner, it’s like I’m shouting into a void.”
Later that night, students began to report sightings of a “giant, writhing, spider-like creature” near the Bobb recreation room.
The jacket has now been there for over four hours, abandoned by former owner Jessica Myers, McCormick ’20, between her morning and afternoon classes.
Students have generally described the hauntings as friendly, though contact with the unknown leaves them all with anxiety and dread.
Sources indicate that coughed-over material does indeed have a direct correlation with said material’s relevance to the class and its prominence on the midterm.
“We have sufficient reason to believe the long-dormant student will emerge from slumber imminently,” lead scientist Veronica Tyson said at a press conference today. “Also, his alarm has been going off for the past 20 minutes.”
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.