NU Sex Week Shrinkage Attributed To The Cold

Northwestern students, disappointed and underwhelmed by NU Sex Week, are skeptical of the organizers’ excuse that the cold weather is to blame for the unimpressive, smaller-than-expected schedule.

This year’s Sex Week takes up about four days with only a few events each day, which was a surprise to freshman Kelli Pryce, WCAS ‘22, who had heard tales from older, more experienced girls about the Week’s great length and satisfying girth of activities.

“I guess I just thought it’d be more?” Pryce said to a Flipside reporter. “I don’t know what I expected. We’d all heard really impressive things about it, but I guess it was just gossip. When I actually saw the schedule, I just knew it wasn’t going to be enough to satisfy my needs.”

Representatives for NU Sex Week were unavailable to comment, but a staffer who insisted they remain nameless swore that the week only appeared shorter because of the cold weather.

“It’s usually not like this,” they insisted. “It just seems smaller because the cold forced us to cancel some events, I swear. This has never happened to me before, believe me.”

While the staffer expressed hope that the remaining days of Sex Week might be more fulfilling, most students anticipate that 2018’s short Sex Week will come to an abrupt, premature finish.

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