“‘Perjury’ Is the Name of a Drinking Game,” Explains Kavanaugh

In an interview with ABC News today, Justice Brett Kavanaugh explained that the “Perjury” mentioned in his high school yearbook is a drinking game and not a felony.

Kavanaugh tearfully read from his calendar that he often played this game with his friends Judge, PJ, Squi, Bobo, and Chubs.

“You line up nine glasses of beer in a circle, swear to tell the truth, and then the teams cross-examine each other,” Kavanaugh said. “The team asking questions—we call them the Senate Judiciary Committee—gets the other guys to drink by catching them lying.”

In an emotional testimony, Kavanaugh fondly detailed one evening with his friends in which his fibs were particularly believable, and he won the game, earning the title, “Supreme Court Perjurer”.

“I was on fire,” Kavanaugh reminisced. “If you can’t think of anything to say, replying to a question with another, more hostile question works every time.”

George Stephanopoulos, who conducted the interview, asked the newly confirmed Justice about the oddly specific nature of the game, and Kavanaugh grew defensive.

“Well, as I’m sure you know, the law regarding that is, it’s not very clear…” Kavanaugh said. “I don’t recall… why are you asking me so many questions, Senator? I mean, uh, Mr. Stephanopoulos?”

Potential witnesses could not corroborate Kavanaugh’s account of the game.

“I have no recollection of this game at all. In fact, I was blacked out for the majority of the 1980s,” reported Kavanaugh’s high school friend, Michael “Bobo” Johnson.

Following the interview, staunch Kavanaugh supporter Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was asked for comment but declined. He was last seen practicing a John Wayne impression in the bathroom mirror and muttering something about, “taking this fight to the streets, buster.”

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