Frat Attracts Early Morning Tailgaters with Continental Breakfast

Before last weekend’s football game against Nebraska, tailgaters were spotted enjoying an assortment of bagels, cereal, fresh fruit, and other breakfast items supplied by Lambda Phi Gamma.

A strategy to attract more tailgaters, the fraternity determined that a continental breakfast would motivate freshly hungover students to wake up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning and rally for another seven and a half hours.

The idea came from senior and Recruitment Chair Scott Janacek, who was inspired by the frat’s fundamental mission of philanthropy.

“We’re all about keeping a good reputation and giving back to our community.” explains Janacek. “Plus, if breakfast is provided, that’s one less thing you have to do in the morning before going out, making it easier to get absolutely smashed before 9 am.”

Further, many attendees found the arrangement to be a success.

“I felt like I was dining in a Holiday Inn Express and not freezing in a muddy backyard covered with tarps and half-empty beer cans,” said sophomore Hallie Crasmian, between filling the waffle maker with batter and downing a third vodka Sprite.

She and others agreed that the spread paired well with the standard trap music and shitty alcohol, affirming that they would definitely come back in the future. Luckily for satisfied tailgaters, it has been confirmed that the continental breakfast will be back, as Lambda Phi Gamma is already planning for the next early morning game against Wisconsin.

When asked to comment on what to expect, Chapter President Zach Parks disclosed, “we can’t reveal too much right now, but we’re working on expanding our menu to feature more upscale brunch options which we really think will appeal to parents during family weekend.”

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