Gender Studies Professor Melissa Andrist announced Thursday that her 300-level seminar, Feminist Literature Through The Ages, has undertaken a project to remove the word “man” from every book in the world by the year 2025.
“I had planned to just spend the whole semester rereading The Handmaid’s Tale,” said Andrist, “but the further my students got through the course syllabus, the more trouble we had focusing on lesbian subtext and allegories around childbirth amidst so many mentions of the male species. We were especially troubled by the fact that some female writers choose to include male characters in their work at all. Men already dominate reality, so we’re taking back our fiction.”
Andrist and her students have already decontaminated Deering and will take the project worldwide as soon as they can find enough Sharpies.
The class has run into trouble with titles like ‘Invisible Man’ and ‘Man of La Mancha’, but figures if women only make 79 cents to a man’s dollar, they can just go an eye for an eye and cut 21% of books entirely.
All copies of those volumes too patriarchal to edit will be ceremoniously burned on the Lakefill every Thursday night between now and 2025, along with multiple bras and Josh from Econ who manspread on the “L” one too many times.
Once finished erasing the male agenda from libraries everywhere, the class plans to apply for a grant to rebrand the Diva Cup as the “Boss Bitch Chalice.”
“The only thing worse than fictional men is real men, and the only thing worse than real men is the tampon tax,” explained TA Roxanne Rivet.
Upon being reminded that “person-kind” would cease to exist without the male species, Andrist declared the human race “cancelled.”