Students Gather to Shoot the Shit, Survive Methane Explosion

Hand drawing of a red plastic mobile toilet

Chunks of a plastic Port-A-Potty were strewn across Sheridan Road last weekend, after a group of NU students decided to meet up and shoot the shit to decompress on a Friday night. Unbeknownst to the ignorant pupils, the portable John was packed full of human waste following a particularly gruesome Taco Tuesday earlier in the week, which impacted the level of excrement that accumulated over time.

Gene Foreman, the foreman of the construction site, provided some insight into the preexisting conditions of what he refers to as “Ground Zero”.

“We typically have them there potties drained ‘fore Thursday,” he commented. “‘cept our guy was getting his gallbladder scooped out his chest by them doctors so we pushed it off til Saturday.”

According to the episode of Mythbusters consulted for this article, methane is a highly flammable gaseous byproduct of fecal matter, which can be violently activated by a spark in an airtight compartment, such as Ground Zero. While the episode features an entire sewer explosion, a passing doctor walking his dog was able to confirm the physics behind this devastating incident.

Fortunately, none of the four students involved were harmed in the incident. One of the marauders, Weinberg sophomore Jordan Dana Davis, claims she and her friends were not considering how their behavior could impact the community.

“We were just planning on locking someone in there as a prank,” she said. “After a couple minutes we realized that nobody was in there because we forgot to actually get someone in the Port-A-Potty. When we opened the door to hang out and shoot the shit, the whole thing went boom.”

While the construction workers could have been impacted by the incident, Foreman seemed to pass the whole thing fairly smoothly. “Least nobody gotta be near that there thing after this weekend. It gon be a party pooper for sure but we might not wanna see the aftermath of our restaurant trip.” When asked what could possibly be worse for their toilet than Taco Tuesday, Gene didn’t hesitate: “Applebee’s.”

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