Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room

Evanston Hospital this; Northwestern Memorial Hospital that—just do what I did! Get your pre-med friend to cut you open in the Slivka lounge and put your appendix in a used Ozzi! 

About a week ago, after I finished my Mod pizza, I developed this shooting pain in my abdomen. Not being my first rodeo at Mod, I went on with my life as usual, adding an extra bathroom break every half hour. After a couple of days of complaining to my pre-med friend Sarah, she so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me and informed me that I actually had appendicitis. Either that, or 24 broken ribs. 

“No sweat!”, she informed me, “I got this covered”. What happened next is a bit of a blur. One minute I’m fetching her MCAT test prep box set still in its Amazon box, and the next she’s slicing me open on the common room couch. 

Of course, I had some say in the matter. Brian, the environmental science major down the hall, offered to take the reins, but I declined. Only hard STEM majors for my major surgery! Sarah was definitely qualified–she played three Grey’s Anatomy episodes on Roku TV for pointers. 

I’m still so grateful she was able to help me while she studied for her orgo final. Her Bienen roommate live yik-yaked the whole experience and even volunteered to check my pulse when I passed out. They said it got down to 20 bpm!

Health care should be about patient comfort, and where would I ever be more comfortable than watching the latest Bachelorette episode while sprawled in the dorm hallway, appendix-less, sipping pink Moscato and chatting with my RA who wouldn’t make direct eye contact with me or my deep incision. Talk about the college experience! 

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