Ask Flippy: Which Soul Currently Inhabits You?
I am an admiring fan of yours, and I have been on the sidelines reading your insightful answers to the pressing questions of the day. However, I have noticed a pattern: you don’t always seem to speak in the same voice, which led my friend to suggest that you may be, like, five different people. In one article you’ll sound really encouraging with talk of hopes and dreams, and in the other you’ll be a bit… problematic. Do I need to call a lawyer?
I have also met you a few times in person. You’re the honey bear, right? It felt like I have known you for years, but that makes it more confusing. You seem to speak with different voices every time I meet you. One time you sounded like a former Flipside president, and another time you sounded like one of your writers who I know well.
What is going on? I’m genuinely curious about why you seem to take on a different persona and voice on the hour, every hour. Are there multiple Flippies inhabiting this beautiful campus of ours, or are you just a corporeal body inhabited by a rotation of different souls?
A Genuinely Concerned Fan
Dear Genuinely Concerned Fan,
Hahahahaha! Like, I can’t believe you think, like, I have multiple souls ZOMG!! But, truthfully, we can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I have multiple souls, and it is not within your legal jurisdiction to question me. You really gotta chill man. There ain’t no way I have multiple souls, just hella personality. In short, I can only guess that I have one soul inhabiting me at all times.