Op-Ed: Why Crumbing Your Nature Valley Granola Bar On The Floor Of Shepard Lounge Promotes Job Security

Growing up, we’re taught to clean up after ourselves. In school, we’re encouraged to leave places better than we found them. At restaurants, we stack our plates to make it easier for the staff to clear tables.

I was once one to fulfill all these principles. A significant number of other people are as well, all in the name of being “considerate.”

My entire worldview changed while shopping with my cousin at Walmart one day. I knocked something off a rack, and I leaned down to pick it up and put it back. She scoffed and asked, “Why would you pick that up? Just kick it away. It’s job security.”

It was like I had been lied to my entire life. I’d been doing all these things in the name of helping others, when in fact I’d been doing the opposite.

Following this realization, I’ve entirely changed my actions. At Allison, I sometimes throw meat into the vegan station. One of my favorite job security measures is pouring Frosted Flakes all over the salad bar. I make an effort to not eat over any table when getting my grubby little hands all over a Nature Valley bar in Shepard Lounge. I get glares and scolds from the workers there, but I just grin and tell them that I’m only trying to help them keep their jobs.

I’ve even convinced some friends to get in on the activism with me. We have a contest of who can kick over and spill the most trash cans and recycling bins. My friends and I also make “hair art” in the communal bathrooms, trying to see who can make the best work.

We’re nearing the recession period of our endless capitalist cycle, and we must do all we can to prevent the loss of jobs. As responsible stewards of our society, I implore everyone to do their part and contribute to this important cause. If you ever have a Nature Valley granola bar, do as much as you can to make sure those crumbs get everywhere.

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