Just this past week, instead of doing an innumerable amount of other productive activities, I was watching Wipeout reruns while eating those addictive takis from Trader Joe’s. As I watched the umpteenth overly cheery contestant face plant straight into the big red balls in a manner that looked like it would leave them paralyzed permanently from the neck down, I realized there was something all these people were missing. All they needed to do was use Freudian psychoanalysis, which I definitely know a lot about.

First off, think about the name: “Big Red Balls.” Where else are big red balls located? That’s right, near a certain phallic object on humans. However, on the Wipeout course, those big red balls are unaccompanied by any object that itself evokes the form of the phallus. Don’t you see the problem? With no dick-like object, the big red balls evoke the fear of castration, putting the contestant at a psychological disadvantage.

Look at it another way. The Id desires, HUNGERS to overcome the big red balls, but the super-ego knows that what society morally wants is to watch you plummet into the water below. As such, the ego makes a compromise. It knows that no one ever beats the big red balls. To beat the big red balls is to turn society on its head. As such, subconsciously, the ego makes a compromise to lose. To slip and plummet to the depths. To maintain the peace. To beat the big red balls, one must overcome their ego, and return to their survival instincts.

Much like the cursory google search on Freud I just did, I’ve only scratched the surface of the possibilities of psychoanalysis for overcoming one of Wipeout’s most notorious obstacles. Even with just this information, I’m sure if those big balls were put in front of me right now, I’d at least make it to the third one.