My name is Joseph “Yellow Journalism” Pulitzer, and you may know me from my work in starting the Spanish-American War, or from my feud with that thieving two-bit “journalist” William Randolph Hearst. In days such as these, in between exaggerating stories to manipulate public opinion and forcing children to wear those cute little newsboy caps and shout “Extra! Extra! Read all about it!”, I find it of the utmost importance to uplift other voices–support small businesses.

The world is chaotic, and it seems difficult to find good news. That is why I, the real Joseph Y.J. Pulitzer, would like to officially endorse the Northwestern Flipside.

Before I go further in this endorsement, I’d like to quickly mention that the Northwestern campus sits on the traditional homelands of the people of the Council of Three Fires, the Ojibwe, Potawatomi, and Odawa as well as the Menominee, Miami and Ho-Chunk nations. The Northwestern Flipside works tirelessly to honor these peoples. In fact, as such a serious and reputable publication, the Flipside treats all its subjects with honor and reverence, demonstrating nothing short of the utmost respect for the current happenings of our great nation.

The wreckage of the USS Maine itself had hardly cooled in Havana Harbor before the Flipside released a touching eulogy to all that we had lost, entitled “Maine DESTROYED by WOKE CUBAN SPANIARDS, CUCKINLEY still SLOW to take action.” I have never read such striking, finger-on-the-pulse reporting. It was, in fact, this very article which moved me to begin covering the Maine incident in the first place.

I would like to send my personal regards to the staff of the Flipside, in particular Flippy the Bear. It is with great pride that I stand shoulder to bear-shoulder with you on the fields of journalistic integrity, as do our troops in Puerto Rico. Perhaps one day we can unite against that no-good Clark-Kent wannabe Hearst.