Tariffs on China see Temu prices skyrocketing to as high as 20 dollars 

By: Stephen Walsh 

“I was devastated, absolutely devastated. I thought to myself, ‘It can’t happen here, can it?’ But it can, and it has, and may the Lord have mercy on us all for our transgressions.” 

Those are the words of a distraught Scott Smith, a local man whose Temu shopping habits have been deeply impacted by Trump’s trade war with China. As he was checking out the latest order for his family, he couldn’t believe the number he saw on his screen. 

“I went to order a tool shed kit, an inspirational wooden sign that says, ‘You have good spirit for military campaign through dense thicket,’ some phone cases, you know… the total came out to 20 whole dollars! My family simply can’t keep going like this, and frankly, I’m not sure who can.”  

Smith isn’t alone in this sentiment. Over 500,000 Americans have signed a petition urging Trump to roll back tariffs on Temu products specifically, but the president remains resolute in his determination to keep the pressure on China, –and also recently spun the Temu wheel to determine he should put an additional 50% on the company’s imports. 

“We have all these cheap materials, just sitting around, and all these people, great people, wonderful people, who don’t have jobs because of Sleepy Joe and his radical left puppet masters…we gotta get these people jobs making crappy knick-knacks. This is how we take our country back.” 

Democrats, in turn, have taken to portraying Trump as an elitist Alibaba shopper too far detached to know the struggles of his Temu-using constituents. Some in his administration, such as Elon Musk, have supported H1B visas for underpaid Temu workers to come to America and make more shitty merchandise or, in the case of Tesla, car parts.  

“With the Cybertruck, if we cut a few corners –metaphorically, of course, I can’t let my Magnum Opus lose its integrity––we could bring prices down from 100K to 95K,” Musk said when we interviewed him on this matter. 

Trump has already stretched his executive powers to the breaking point, but it may be these Temu tariffs that finally push his Americans over the edge. Authoritarianism is alright–so long as it keeps Temu out of the crosshairs.