Author Archives: Andrew Gresik

The Flipside is a Joke

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EVANSTON—Northwestern University has a long tradition of great journalism. The Daily Northwestern and North by Northwestern are models of professionalism and journalistic excellence. Yet there is one publication that is an embarrassment to the Northwestern community, journalism, paper, its staff, and their mothers: The Northwestern Flipside. To be blunt, The Flipside is a joke. The writing is a shameless mockery of the journalistic style that we as Northwestern students have come to expect. It’s like a bunch of people just

Read more Local, No. 31

Security Alert: Polar Bear Spotted on Lakefill

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On the evening of Friday, November 13 at approximately 8:00 PM, multiple Northwestern students reported seeing a polar bear climb out of a mysterious and previously unnoticed hatch on the Lakefill. The students, who were leaving a “Lost” fan club meeting in Norris, reported seeing the subject leave the hatch and run north along the lake. There have been no further sightings of the subject,  described as being a 500 lb. white male about six feet in length. Further investigation

Read more Issue 22, Local

Ask The Flipside – Swine Flu

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Dear NU Flipside, Swine flu is definitely a zombie virus. How can I survive the zombie apocalypse? Sincerely, James Walshington Well James, we here at The Northwestern Flipside have put many hours into the study of zombies and can say with great certainty that this so called “swine flu” is really a government ploy to cover up the reality that the dead are being reanimated as zombies. In the course of our studies, we have also devised a comprehensive survival

Read more Issue 21, Opinion, Year 2

1859 EDITION: Fiction Review: On the Origin of Species

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This week’s book is an enthralling epic narrative by Charles Darwin entitled On the Origin of Species, in which the protagonist travels on a fantastical voyage to a magical island off the coast of South America. While on the surface this story may seem to be one of a slightly eccentric man cavorting with animals, as would the character of a children’s book, it is my belief that much literary significance can be found in many of the characterizations. The

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Ask The Flipside – Hangout Places

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Dear The Northwestern Flipside, I’m a freshman, where are the best places to hang out on campus? Sincerely, Mitch Skillman Dear Mitch, I’m glad you asked, as there are a lot of really cool places where really cool people hang out and do really cool stuff. For instance, there is a popular vampire-themed dance club in the 28th sub-basement of Tech. Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with Twilight, many engineers simply find that long hours in Tech tend

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Ask The Flipside – Will I Ever Get to Go Home?

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Dear Northwestern Flipside, All of my friends are already home from school. Will I ever get to go home? Your number one fan, Randolph K. Hassenpfeffer Well, Randy (I’m going to call you Randy whether you like it or not), the answer is quite simple: NO. You are in fact stuck here until you graduate. There is a secret clause in the housing agreement stating that all students are forbidden from being at home for more than a month while

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Alcoholic Turns Down Free Natty Light

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EVANSTON—In a shocking move last Thursday morning, Joe “No Liver” Guggenheim, a local convenience store night-shift manager and alcoholic, turned down an offer of a free case of Natty Light. The offer came when the brothers of Tappa Tappa Keg realized that they bought more beer than they could fit in their car. The fraternity was stocking up for a big weekend bash to celebrate the coming of a full moon. Upon seeing Mr. Guggenheim drunkenly stumbling down the street

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Ask The Flipside – Why Don’t You Have Any Articles Regarding Women?

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Dear The Northwestern Flipside, Why don’t you have any “Area Woman” articles? It seems like you only ever write articles about men. Sincerely, Sheila Von Ontario Dear Sheila, The main reason that the Flipside is so testosterone-fueled is that women rarely do anything stupid enough for us to bother writing articles about them. It’s so much easier to make up funny stories about some drunken dude’s escapades than it is to find humor in cooking and cleaning. I mean, look

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Ask The Flipside – Why Do You Keep Putting Stuff in my Mailbox?

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Dear The Northwestern Flipside, Why do you assholes keep putting stuff in my mailbox? Yours Truly, Gerd Höffenhauer Well Gerd, some people actually appreciate receiving The Flipside every week. Actually, the fact that you don’t appreciate The Flipside would seem to indicate that you are not human. So we at The Flipside have a question for you: What the fuck are you? Are you a Dementor? Are you Ann Coulter? Or a zombie perhaps? Or maybe you are just a

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