Author Archives: Andrew Gresik

Italian Cruise Ship Runs Aground on Massive Stereotype

GIGLIO, ITALY- Italian Coast Guard incident reports released exclusively to the Flipside have shed new light on the true cause of the Costa Concordia disaster.  While the official reports have posited several theories (ranging from the sudden appearance of a beautiful woman on shore to repeated ship-to-shore telephone calls from the captain’s mother) as to why the ship ran aground and sank, transcripts from police interviews with Captain Francesco Schettino suggest otherwise.  Twenty minutes into the interview, Schettino appears to

Sorority Chapter Invites Kansas City Royals to Wedding-Watch Party

EVANSTON – Anticipation turned to confused embarrassment when the sisters of the Delta Delta Delta Delta sorority realized that the ‘royals’ they had invited to their “Royal Wedding-Watch Party OMG!!!!!” event were, in fact, the Kansas City Royals, the major league baseball team. “I was like, sooo excited when I heard we were watching the royal wedding at the house,” said Quad Delt sister Becca Silverstein, “cuz my boyfriend is from Kansas City and he’s always talking about the royals

Indiana Restricts Abortion: Just What We Need, More Hoosiers

Recently, Indiana’s Republican-controlled legislature has moved to impose some of the strictest controls on abortion of any state in the nation. These measures are expected to pass with little real opposition and can only mean one thing for the rest of the country: more damn Hoosiers. You know what this means. More rabid basketball fans chomping down on deep-fried pork products while somehow pretending to be Irish on a regular basis. More people who have actually been to Kokomo and

Arizona to Build Fence of Liberty

PHOENIX—Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) announced this week that the state would be building a Fence of Liberty to greet all those crossing over the border from Mexico. The new structure will be covered in copper, with armed guard towers aloft every 100 yards. On the US side, the fence will read July IV MDCCLXXVI, commemorating the Declaration of Independence, while on the Mexican side it will read April XXIII MMX, commemorating the passage of Arizona Senate Bill 1070, the

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