Graduating Senior Doesn’t Have Plans for Summer, Life
“I might end up spending summer bumming around, or working that godforsaken Auntie Anne kiosk again, and maybe Iâll keep doing that forever.â
Category Archives: Local
SOFO Training Expanded to Quarter-Long .34 Credit Class
This class, listed as SOFO_391, will be available starting Fall 2016 and will be worth .34 credits.
Area Man’s Cousin Knows a Guy
Local sources have confirmed that local student James Beachâs, WCAS â19, cousin knows a guy.
ETHS Student: Iâll Drink at Dillo, but I Wonât Touch The Devilâs Grass
He also repeatedly emphasizes that he has only consumed alcohol, and not âthe evil plant.â
Fraternity Banner: Fuck Mayfest (Consensually)
Northwesternâs Fappa Fappa Fappa chapter added a Dillo-themed banner to the ranks of anti-rape slogans hung on fraternity houses around campus.
Area Freshman Nails Motherâs Day with E-Card
âWhen I saw âjackoff69@gmail.com has sent you an e-cardâ in my inbox, why, my heart was all of a flutter,â Macy McDonald said.
Momâs Special Boy Declares Very Unique Major in Economics
After much deliberation, the freshman decided to take a risk and commit to economics, a decision his mother called âbrave and very unique.â
Motherâs Day Perfect Time to Announce Gap Year
Instead of jumping off a bridge, jump into a new line of work and announce to your parents not that youâre an abject failure but that you need to truly find yourself.
Area Student Secures Subway Sandwich Engineering Internship
âYou know, I had a lot of jobs to choose between. Iâm a pretty desirable candidate.â
Review Session Commandeered by Asshole Who Just Wants to Learn
During a review session for the Econ 202 Midterm, sources have reported that local asshole Jeremy Crack (WCAS â19) commandeered the entire session.