Northwestern Flipside

Sources indicated that NUPD has enough money saved up from multiple years of not upgrading their monkeys.

Multiple eyewitness accounts described the incident as “horrifying” and “inconvenient.”

“I might end up spending summer bumming around, or working that godforsaken Auntie Anne kiosk again, and maybe I’ll keep doing that forever.”

This class, listed as SOFO_391, will be available starting Fall 2016 and will be worth .34 credits.

Local sources have confirmed that local student James Beach’s, WCAS ’19, cousin knows a guy.

He also repeatedly emphasizes that he has only consumed alcohol, and not “the evil plant.”

Northwestern’s Fappa Fappa Fappa chapter added a Dillo-themed banner to the ranks of anti-rape slogans hung on fraternity houses around campus.

“When I saw ‘jackoff69@gmail.com has sent you an e-card’ in my inbox, why, my heart was all of a flutter,” Macy McDonald said.