NUPD to Upgrade Ninja Monkey Outside Allison

EVANSTON – In response to the recent intruder incident in Allison Residential Community, NUPD has reportedly announced an upgrade to their ninja monkey with the Bloonjitsu upgrade on Path 1.

“The incident really highlighted some areas on campus where our security may not be as tight as we had originally thought,” said Bruce Lewis, NUPD Chief of Police. “This is unacceptable, so I immediately requested an upgrade to our ninja monkey.”

Sources indicated that NUPD has enough money saved up from multiple years of not upgrading their monkeys.

“We were planning on getting a super monkey by 2022, but what we’ve seen is that we cannot afford to wait that long to fortify our defenses,” said Lewis. “The time is now. “

A statement from NUPD states that the upgrade to the ninja monkey will be in place by Fall Quarter.

About the Author

Brian Capella
Brian's favorite kind of tree is Red Pine, because he likes to break the needles in half and imagine that he is a powerful giant. Additionally, he can proudly say he has never seen a movie in his life. Brian graduated from Harvard with a B.A. in theology in 1679, and then received his M.A. in accordion playing. At Harvard, Brian spent his time rowing down the Charles with his lover Dave Matthews softly caressing his cheeks as they floated. Brian's favorite Ghostbusters character is the Stay-Puft Man. Nowadays, Brian spends his time stuffing his shirt with ice while watching Season 2 Episode 5 of Gilmore Girls on repeat.

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