Tag Archives: Allison

Forgotten Freshman Survives on Allison Dining Hall Second Floor by Eating Class of ’23 Shirt

Police investigators breathed a sigh of relief last Tuesday after discovering Beinen freshman James Chavez in the second floor loft area of Allison dining hall, surrounded by scraps of the purple Class of 2023 shirt that he had consumed in order to stay alive.  “We found the student heaped in the corner shirtless, experiencing extreme indigestion from eating his clothing,” said Special Investigator Linda Forsythe, who headed the search team that was formed after Chavez’s Peer Advisor Ryan DeShields noted

Prospective Student Surprised She Can See Chicago from Northwest Illinois

WAUKESHA, WI — Jordan Stralisky was surprised to learn during Wildcat Days that the city of Chicago is visible from the Northwestern Campus. “We drove like three hours to get from Waukesha to Northwestern, and on the tour we saw downtown Chicago from just outside Norris. I had no idea you could see Chicago from Northwest Illinois!” Stralisky said. “I have family in Dubuque, so it’ll be great to be just a short drive from the Iowa border in case

[NU Spork] NU Cuisine Announces “Palestine Recognition” Meal

EVANSTON — Continuing their long tradition of commemorating every ethnic event with a mildly offensive meal, NU Cuisine announced that Allison Hall will have a Palestine-themed meal to celebrate their recent recognition by the UN. The decision has caused some division among students. The Kosher station will rightfully become a Palestine station, according to Sodexo. Food will include Gaza chicken strips, cease-fire grilled burgers, and hummus on everything. NU Cuisine will divide Allison into three quadrants: the Israeli main room,