Tag Archives: Disease

New Cognitive Disease Causes Millions To Use Hashtags, Annoys Billions Of Others

EVANSTON – An infectious disease causing millions of people to insert pound signs followed by senseless clichés at the end of all their typed sentences is quickly becoming a global pandemic. First affecting only attention-seeking Twitter addicts, the virus has now spread to Facebook users, Google Plus members, and countless others, essentially annoying the living fuck out of anyone on Earth who has yet to catch the sickness. “Facebook is bad enough as it is. Whiny status updates about how

March Madness To Be Covered Under Universal Health Care

WASHINGTON—After learning that the disease often contracted in the spring, March Madness, was not covered in America’s health care plan for millions of citizens, President Obama decided action was necessary. At a press conference earlier today, The President addressed the issue, “This is a serious problem. We need to change the system. I know this disease affects real folks, myself included, and it is important to make this a priority.” March Madness is an extremely contagious disease, most prevalent in