Category Archives: No. 28
Overzealous Catholic Student Appears in Black Face for Ash Wednesday
Area Man Loses Phone, Needs Numbers
NU Unveils Updated iPhone App, Enables Direct Chat With Morty
EVANSTONâNAGS (Northwesternâs Annoying Geek Squad) released NUâs iPhone app version 1.3333 (repeating) yesterday in order to fix bugs in the old system and add more student-friendly features. âOur first priority was to fix minor problems and glitches within the software. The most obvious error was an unfortunate spelling error in âLunt Hallâ on the GPS map,â said head developer Smith Bergman. âStudents also requested that we add âThirsty Thursdaysâ to the campus events calendar. I assume thatâs an ASG initiative
Diary of Anne Frank Stored Away in Secret Annex
CULPEPPER, VAâParents in the Culpepper County school system have called for a ban of Anne Frankâs erotic novel, The Diary of a Young Girl: The Definitive Edition. Based on the accounts of a young Jewish girl, the book contains some of the Frankâs most sexually explicit thoughts. Reportedly, a passage made mention of the female reproductive organ, which Frank refers to as a âvagina.â Naturally, this raised major concern among parents whose children attended the districtâs schools. âMy daughter is
Medill 2030 Shifts Focus to Students Pursuing Other More Profitable Careers
EVANSTONâWith newspapers more commonly used nowadays to cover up Keg-induced vomit or Stephen Demosâ tears, the Medill School of Journalism announced yesterday that it plans to alter its curriculum to keep pace with the modern world. Medill 2030 gets rid of the old stuff nobody cares about (like writing and reporting), replacing its previous curricula with accounting, biochemical engineering and lawâprofessions that actually have jobs available. âWe call it New Journalism,â explained Medill Dean Levine. âThe emphasis tends to be