Tag Archives: Starlin Castro

[Future Issue: 2161] Chicago Cubs Win 75th Consecutive World Series

THE MOON – Baseball’s most successful franchise won its seventy-fifth straight title (and seventy-seventh overall) last week, defeating the Galactic League champion Boron VI Green Stockings of the Luciferin Galaxy. This year’s Series was played on Earth’s moon for only the fifth time after the Moon League won the All-Galaxy Game in a dramatic 4-3 nail biter. It was Starlin Castro IV who hit the go-ahead 1,091 foot homerun in reduced gravity to give the Cubs the 2161 title. The

Groupon Sets October Ferris Bueller Screening at Wrigley for Next 100 Years

CHICAGO – Groupon has scheduled a screening of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off at Wrigley Field on the first Saturday of October for the next 100 years. “It became readily apparent over the past few years that the Cubs will never have use for Wrigley Field in October,” Andrew Mason, CEO of Groupon, stated in a press conference. “They are just an incredibly shitty baseball team.” The Cubs have not had a winning record in three seasons. Despite boasting impressive household