FL Pastor Plans to Burn “Audacity of Hope”

GAINESVILLE, FL—Outraged that a “God-damned Muslim” controls his country, one Florida pastor decided to take matters into his own hands. Garry Jones is planning a nationwide burning of “The Audacity of Hope.”

“We here at Unity and Peace (For All White, Straight Christians [excluding Catholics]) Church believe that it is just unconstitutional to have an Islamic president,” Jones said. “Besides, he’s not even an American citizen!”

Jones’ group plans to burn the President’s book, claiming that Obama had written the “secret Koran of America.”

Before entering the book burning, all participants must show their birth and baptism certificates.

“We don’t want any non-citizens at this event,” Jones said. “That would defeat the purpose.”

We asked some students at the University of Florida what they thought of Jones’ event happening so close to their school.

“Well, is Tim Tebow going?,” said Chaz Riche. “If so, then I’m so there.”

“Is there booze?” said Sally Farms. “If there is, I’ll show up, too.”

But the reactions around the world have been quite different. University professors, journalists, and other seemingly educated people continue to insist that the President is, in fact, both a citizen and a Christian.

Still, despite all the legitimate paperwork, Jones says he refuses to believe these “crackpot theories.”

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