EVANSTON—This past week’s poster sale at the Norris Center provided the university with a way to mask additional construction in the Wildcat Room. The cover-up was discovered when freshman Robert Zucker attempted to remove a poster from the display wall.
“I was just trying to get that Star Wars poster,” claims Zucker, “but when I did, there was an orange construction fence behind it.”
When Zucker revealed the construction fence, a Norris security team appeared out of nowhere and swarmed the area, removing the freshman and covering up the construction site once again. But this wasn’t the only sign of a hidden construction project.
“When I was looking at the movie posters,” said sophomore Louis Schmidt, “the guy next to me was putting down traffic cones. That seemed a little suspicious to me.”
“I definitely heard a jackhammer while I was in there,” adds freshman Jane Hunter, “and I’m pretty sure the check-out lady had a hard hat on the floor next to her. They’re definitely up to something.”
But what exactly this construction project? Although no construction workers were found to answer this question, Norris staffers were more than happy to offer their insight.
“We don’t know exactly what’s going on in there,” says an anonymous Norbucks employee. “It never seems to get anywhere, so we can’t really tell what it is. Right now, we think it’s just an attempt to fuck with students who want to use the meeting rooms.”
To some, however, the cover-up provided an inspiration. “It’s smart, really,” says Zucker. “I live in ISRC and have to look at the construction out my window every day. I might just cover my window with a poster, too.”