Obama Completes Every Quiz on Sporcle; Republicans Win the House

WASHINGTON—President Obama announced his accomplishment of all 116,365 games on Sporcle one week after the 60-seat Republican sweep of the House. With Republican legislators sure to halt any legislation supported by the Democrats, Obama now has free time to kick back in the Oval Office.

“After Tuesday night, I got to thinking about all of those college-aged young people who came out in droves for me in 2008 and considered going to polls this election but decided to watch The Hangover and Facebook-stalk Kanye West instead,” Obama said in an interview with The Flipside. “My hair has turned gray in the last 2 years. No one’s wearing shirts with my photoshopped red, white and blue head anymore. I needed to get my youthful, hip edge back. That’s when I found Sporcle.”

“I thought there was a national security emergency when I received a frantic call from the President at 3am on Thursday,” Hillary Clinton, U.S. Secretary of State, told the Flipside. “It turned out that Barack couldn’t remember the name of Buttercup, one of the Powerpuff Girls, with only 35 seconds left on the ‘Female Cartoon Network Characters’ quiz.”

The President’s new hobby has resulted in some shakeups on the Hill. Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke allegedly considered tendering his resignation after Obama forgot his name on the “Obama’s Cabinet” Sporcle game. His family life is also feeling the effects: Obama’s daughter Sasha almost went to the press after 4 nights sans Harry Potter readings.

After his momentous completion of the 116,365th game, Obama started writing his own quizzes.

His quizzes can now be found on the Sporcle website, including “Obama Merchandise” (the “’Yes We Can’ Opener” and the “’Head’ Of State Obama Vibra-Dildo” were the most frequently-missed answers) and “Celebrities Who Endorsed the Hip, Still-Relevant Obama in 2008.”

Incoming Speaker of the House, Representative John Boehner (R – OH), commented, “This is a surprising admission. We’ve seen addictions before in Washington—sex, drugs, gambling–but Sporcle, that’s certainly a change. Just not the one Americans were supposed to believe in.”

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