ASG Passes Sweeping Frontera Fresco Line Reform

EVANSTON — After the 2012 student surveys, both North Campus and South Campus members of the Associated Student Government reached an agreement to curb long lines at Frontera Fresco. The compromise represented a significant policy shift for North Campus members in order to appease their more liberal counterparts.

“There’s clearly a change in demographics,” said North Campus Minority Leader Mitch Levy. His party has typically supported old-fashioned gender policies (through single-sex Greek houses), advanced interrogation (hazing), and the opposition of government funded of contraceptives (“because it feels so much better without it, bro”).

“Students just aren’t willing to wait in a line longer than the gap between Northwestern winning a bowl game, no matter how inedible the food is in Willie’s Food Court,” he added.

The “path to the front of the line” requires student to pass several checkpoints. A new wildcard-verify system has been put in place to ensure students are not illegally using stolen student IDs. Two new employees—modeled after Burger King’s security team, a highly trained special forces unit trained to protect very valuable goods—patrol the line to make sure nobody cuts.

South Campus representatives applauded the shift, saying it’s about time ASG got something—anything—done. They hope this bipartisan action will help them pass their other policies on this incredibly divided campus, such as the “liberal arts plan,” which eliminates of all grades besides As, and a jungle juice ban that could put an end to kool-aid-related-sexual-assault-cases once and for all.

Still, not everyone is happy with the changes. North Campus Junior Senator Jan Brewerson said that allowing people in the soup line to then stay in the sandwich line amounts to amnesty. She also believes only Northwestern students should be allowed to wait in line.

“Northwestern students earned Frontera by getting 33s on their ACTs and finishing in the top ten percent of their high school classes,” Brewerson said. “In America you have to earn things. Frontera is our Mexican food.”

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