EVANSTON — Classes resumed Tuesday, and the entire staff of The Flipside found themselves so bogged down with homework that they could not write a single article.
“I just can’t find the time to be funny anymore,” said Managing Editor Brian Earl. “After spending my afternoon doing fourteen problem sets, translating 700 lines of Latin, and reading four novels, I barely had time to study for my midterm on Thursday. There’s no way in hell I’m going to write a Flipside article tonight.”
“It’s sad we don’t have anything to put on our website today,” agreed President Andrew Schneider. “Our Facebook page is going to have embarrassingly little content on it this week.”
President Rachel Beal said, “I can’t wait until our first meeting—which, by the way, is tonight at 8PM in Kresge 2-435 for new writers—because that’s where the magic of satire happens.” Beal’s eyes proceeded to twinkle, and she rushed off to her apartment to brew up a new batch of satire magic to distribute at Wednesday’s meeting.
Flipside statisticologists, who totally had time to put together a detailed double-blind research study, have predicted that The Flipside will be able to overcome the week-one doldrums and produce a year of amusing, witty, and droll content.
The statisticologists were then fired for blatant self-promotion.