Student Comforted by Fact that a 107% on Final Can Save Her Grade
“My mother always told me that the final determines your grade,” claimed Harrison. “Class attendance, homework, and midterms are pretty much inconsequential.”
Tag Archives: homework
Freshman Blames Poor Work Ethic on “Long Summer”
“After 85 consecutive days of doing, like, nothing, it’s hard to get back into the swing of things,” she said, clearly skirting the fact that she had not opened a single book since arriving on campus.
Student Puts Zero Effort into Term Paper Proposal, Hopes Trilateral Commission Is Interesting
After completing his cursory research, Simonides wrote his 200-word proposal in a matter of minutes and rewarded himself for his diligent efforts with four hours of Netflix and video games.
First Day of Classes Results in Dearth of Flipside Content
“It’s sad we don’t have anything to put on our website today,” agreed President Andrew Schneider. “Our Facebook page is going to have embarrassingly little content on it this week.”
History Teacher a Real Dickwad for Scheduling Test the Monday after Halloween Weekend
By Harry Barbash, Sophomore Economics Major What the fuck, Professor Donaghy? Do you have any idea what happened this last weekend? You think there was time to study for a midterm about the Celts in the 11th century? Because there sure as shit was not. Let’s start with the obvious. Halloween is the peak time for drunken revelry. Halloween just sweetens the crowded-apartment-party pot. Hookups become even more anonymous as you grind up on whatever masked person’s behind you. Alcohol
ASG Candidate Campaigning on “More Recess, Less Homework” Platform
ASG Candidate Campaigning on “More Recess, Less Homework” Platform
Insomniac Students Mistaken for Raccoons
EVANSTON — Since the beginning of Fall classes, students have reported to the Evanston Animal Control Bureau an alarming increase in the number of large, nocturnal creatures wandering around campus. Many students, aware of the abundance of wildlife in the area, have shrugged these unidentifiable fiends off as raccoons, due to the black circles around the creatures’ eyes. Most witnesses report the raccoons meandering near the library or rolling down the stairs of Tech, leaving trails of graphing paper all