“We are always looking for more ways to engage the student body in capitalist brainwashing.”
Author Archives: Shelby Schultz
Op-Ed: I Can’t be the Impostor, I was Filling Out my Daily Symptoms on the Northwestern Symptom Tracker App
Taking advantage of the popularity of Among Us, Northwestern has decided to create a similar game to encourage students to complete tasks that they usually avoid, such as signing up for the NCA career fair.
“Plus, when my professors asked me to introduce myself, I was so used to saying, ‘I’m Artie Jones and I live in Willard,’” said Jones. “It was tragic to have to say, ‘I’m Artie and I live in…Los Angeles.’”
“It’s obviously the bad vibes of the breakout rooms that are conjuring acne on my face.”
I found the perfect rainbow tube top at Urban this summer. Ever since then, I’ve been looking for the right pair of funky shorts, to no avail.
“We saw this as a great opportunity to take care of our medical heroes,” said Megan Locke, a producer on the show. “Plus, the free publicity doesn’t hurt.”
“Wouldn’t you rather listen to a two-hour-long thorough analysis of the silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari than watch a fifteen second video of a tween doing the woah?”
“I’m willing to lose all of my documents, memories and digital pornography if it means companies saving money that I will never see.”
I don’t think a conversation passes the Bechdel test if a man says, ‘but actually,’ every time the professor or I try to get a word in.
Americans embrace subtitles to understand terms like “pied off,” “factor 50,” and “grafting.”