Category Archives: No. 303

Teen Supports Decision to Reopen America after Mother Finishes Third James Patterson Novel this Week

Until recently, local teenager Jenny Dorn was an avid supporter of the government’s decision to continue the coronavirus lockdown until scientists declare that a slow reopening can safely begin. However, she had a change of heart after her mother finished reading her third James Patterson novel this week. “Like most socially-conscious teens of my age, I thought that ending the lockdown within the near future would be disastrous,” Dorn wrote in a widely shared petition. “Then my mom cracked