Local Woman Blames Acne on Zoom Breakout Rooms

As classes continue on Zoom, many students have spent more time staring at their own faces than paying attention to lectures. So when Patricia Kern noticed she had a horrible breakout, she knew Zoom breakout rooms must be responsible.

“Look, I’ve never been blessed with perfect skin,” said Kern, “but at least I could blame my acne on the Plex French fries before. Now, all I have are these stupid Zoom sessions and my bag of Cheetos. It’s obviously the bad vibes of the breakout rooms that are conjuring acne on my face.”

Tara Michaels, a member of Kern’s breakout room, added, “I can’t think of anything else that could be causing these breakouts. It definitely couldn’t be the anxiety caused by the pandemic, the arrival of my period, or the fact that I haven’t gotten out of bed to wash my face once this week.”

Still, the cosmetics industry has quickly responded to these concerns, eager to sell any products during this pandemic. Ulta has created a new software called Zuum, replacing breakout rooms with facial rooms. Facial rooms emit more blue light than usual, which is supposed to help fight acne breakouts, and damage the eyes enough that you can’t see your acne scars.

“Honestly, for a time when people aren’t supposed to be touching their faces, I’m surprised how many breakouts there are,” claimed Sandra Lee, also known as Dr. Pimple Popper. “However, I cannot wait until all of these massive blackheads accumulate so that I can film an extra cringe-worthy season of my show.”

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