He had paused on step 3 of 32 (“Set the mood with a romantic compliment”).
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Burnt-Out Senior Joins 200-Level Poetry Class Butt Naked with Poem About the Futility of Higher Education
“Not even a sweatband with his frat’s logo on it to keep his quarantine haircut out of his eyes!”
I know that people assume I am a pretentious asshole who is completely full of myself. All of these assumptions are valid.
The traditional grand finale of Wildcat Welcome, an all-expenses paid trip to Six Flags, was made impossible this year due to the Coronavirus pandemic, leaving the Class of 2024 without the formative first-year experience that many upperclassmen hold dear. But when all else seemed lost, Northwestern released some uplifting news as to how they would make it up to the Class of 2024. According to an email sent by President Morton Schapiro, the Northwestern Administration is bringing Six Flags to
Hornberger has had to restrain himself from placing the two students together in breakout rooms on several occasions. He also gave them knowing glances during his lecture on college hookup culture.
Unfortunately, the researchers were unable to find any students willing to speak to the reasons why they don’t speak up more.
“It’s so embarrassing how I mistakenly thought the woman who birthed me, nursed me, and raised me was my professional educator.”
“It’s obviously the bad vibes of the breakout rooms that are conjuring acne on my face.”
“Huh? I don’t remember what background anyone had. Besides, can’t you just set your virtual background to anything?”
“It’s like she used this tired gimmick to distract us from how self-isolation is deteriorating her mental health,” said her classmate Darrell Jamison, RTVF ‘22. “The propeller looks pretty funny, but I’m not laughing. I’m concerned.”