Collier, known for his intricate harmonic arrangements and the ability to bore nearly anyone’s date, will be traveling all the way from the color printer in Norris to Welsh-Ryan Arena to perform at Blowout this year.
Author Archives: Xanthe Brown
“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”
“Piggybacking off of that, I just think the way they phrased it was really well. Well-phrased. Which time?”
“Not only will every student, professor and administrator be required to change their first and last names to ‘Ryan,’ this is now Ryan University, in Ryan, Illinois, and we only have one major – Ryan.”
Putting one’s head inside a running microwave could allegedly, maybe, possibly cause cancer.
He had paused on step 3 of 32 (“Set the mood with a romantic compliment”).
“I feel fucking amazing,” said Jaxmaxon, whose arms, swollen from the several hundred syringe pokes he received, eclipsed every other part of his body. “This is the physique I’ve been working toward for years now.”
I’m writing this in a public newspaper editorial because I don’t really feel comfortable giving you my number.
Steve, baby, you can’t have completely forgotten about the day we had together.
BREAKING: Instead of CTECs, Northwestern Students May Now Rate Classes by Selecting One of Dante Aligheri’s Nine Circles of Hell
“My econ professor gave us an assignment to freeze for all eternity,” remarks an anonymous sophomore.