Ask Flippy: How Can I Love Myself If I’ll Never Be as Pretty as the 500 Degrees Pizza Crust?
It stares at me smugly, knowing it single-handedly motivated me to seek CAPS.
Category Archives: No. 314
Ask Flippy: The Econ bro I hooked up with requested me on LinkedIn, what should I do?
What should I do? I didn’t even know I had a LinkedIn.
BREAKING: Instead of CTECs, Northwestern Students May Now Rate Classes by Selecting One of Dante Aligheri’s Nine Circles of Hell
“My econ professor gave us an assignment to freeze for all eternity,” remarks an anonymous sophomore.
Area Man Has Only Two Dimensions, Cannot Interact With Space and Time As Intended, Ceases To Exist Immediately
“Why would something like this happen to someone so normal?”
Seventh Grade Social Studies Teacher Who Said “I’ll Wait” in 2012 Reportedly Still Waiting
“It’s not bad at all,” she said. “I haven’t talked to my husband in almost a decade, and I’m growing hair out of holes I didn’t even know I had. So I can’t complain.”
Freshman Theatre Major Who Just Joined Flipside Adds “Journalism” to Resume
Stage has allegedly written over 50 headlines, which one Flipside editor has described as, “just ok.”
Critics Find Trump’s Impeachment Sequel “A Little Stale, Been Done Before”
“The new plot was bland, and the ending was a lazy and rushed attempt to conclude the presidency. Not to mention they cut out Mitt Romney, who was one of the best characters.”
BREAKING: Chips Ahoy! Employees Test Negative for COVID-19, Positive for Scurvy
The highly complex testing process included having blood drawn, mopping the deck and sparring with a member of a feuding ship.