John Travolta Leads Northwestern Campus Tour

EVANSTON — Prospective students got a little more than they asked for on one of Tuesday’s Northwestern campus tours. In what can only be considered a publicity stunt by the admissions office, the tour was given by none other than acting legend John Travolta.

Travolta proved to be an excellent tour guide, taking students on the same path as the normal tours. He was sure to point out the important class buildings, “Kierkegaard,” “Luddite,” “Annabel,” and, of course, “Trick Inspector.” The hopeful teenagers walked under “The Ache,” observed the beautifully painted “Rob,” and Instagrammed pictures of Chicago from the grassy “Lank Flank.”

Participants were both overjoyed and aghast at the experience. Some expressed skepticism about the validity of his statements, but those concerns were quickly calmed with the reassurance that a well-known actor would never mispronounce something as trivial as “Frankie Sea-Whale.”

As the tour progressed, students were even given the opportunity to meet some campus administrators. University President “Minty Chaperone” addressed the prospects with kind words of encouragement and Vice President of Student Affairs “Porky Truce-MervGriffin” followed by crushing their hopes and dreams. The speeches concluded with pro-temperance remarks from Evanston mayor “Elias Tinder.”

Travolta concluded the tour by reminding students that “Nevermore Unity” gives them the opportunity to follow in the footsteps of all of the prominent alumni of the school, including political pundit “Stefon Coldbeer,” Chicago mayor “Render Anemone,” and former Friends star “Doogie Shoobidoo.”

About the Author

Jordan Villanueva
Jordan enjoys watching Lizzie McGuire reruns on Sundays while eating stale bread with his grandmother's ashes. They add a certain flavor similar to cardamom and not dissimilar to cumin. However, Jordan's favorite spice is actually nutmeg because it reminds him of long winter nights in Argentina. It was in Argentina where Jordan worked as a nude model at the Universidad de Buenos Aires. It was in Buenos Aires that he met the love of his life, Lolita, but she tragically left him to return to Canada. Broken-hearted, Jordan now devotes himself to his work with the Northwestern Flipside and his YouTube cooking show.

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