Student Decides to Sell Wristband A$AP

EVAN$TON — Following the announcement of Dillo Day artist A$AP Ferg, Jill $winer, $oC ’17, immediately decided to sell her Dillo Day admission wristband as soon as possible.

When asked why she had so suddenly chosen to post to the Free and For $ale Facebook group with her offer, $winer responded, “It was just the right thing to do. I have too much Work, I have a paper for my Old English class, and my yoga instructor just showed me this new pose called the $habba.”

After the initial announcement of Ferg’s performance, $winer initially thought that Mayfest was using a code to announce the artist, and through conjecture had determined the artist to be featured was most likely to be Fergie or Lorde in a Trap.

At press time, no comments or likes appeared on $winer’s post, though she did get a private message from someone named Rocky who messaged, “Jet fuel still can’t melt steel beams.”

About the Author

Brian Capella
Brian's favorite kind of tree is Red Pine, because he likes to break the needles in half and imagine that he is a powerful giant. Additionally, he can proudly say he has never seen a movie in his life. Brian graduated from Harvard with a B.A. in theology in 1679, and then received his M.A. in accordion playing. At Harvard, Brian spent his time rowing down the Charles with his lover Dave Matthews softly caressing his cheeks as they floated. Brian's favorite Ghostbusters character is the Stay-Puft Man. Nowadays, Brian spends his time stuffing his shirt with ice while watching Season 2 Episode 5 of Gilmore Girls on repeat.

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