Math Professor Honestly Doesn’t Even Know

EVANSTON – Upon returning from his math professor’s office hours, Jacob Rogers, WCAS ‘19, told sources that long-time MENU Professor Gregory McIntosh “might have actually lost it this time.”

“I remember thinking it wasn’t even real,” Rogers said. “I just told him what I was stuck on, he read the problem, looked at the clock for a little too long, looked me in the eye, and said, ‘Honestly Jack, I don’t even know. Why don’t you go work on your “economics homework” or something applicable to the “real world.”’ He was practically possessed, shouting and spitting and biting on a Jolly Rancher. Yeah, that was my first time going to office hours and I’m never going back. That’s messed up. My name isn’t even Jack.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only who thinks so,” class suck-up and economics major Margo Sanders, WCAS ‘19, commented, “To be honest I just need this A, so whatever semi-psychotic behavior I have to put up with I’ll do it. I’ve been going to his office hours since the first day, and he has never spoken to me. Every time I ask him questions, he scribbles illegibly on the board, and shrugs his shoulders as if I magically understand his hieroglyphics.”

Jeremy Lang, McCormick ‘18, said, “I should have dropped his class. The kid who sat in front of me on the first day, he did it right. While McIntosh was going through the syllabus, highlighting the fact that he doesn’t use Canvas or e-mail, I watched this kid login to CAESAR, drop the class, and leave. I made a mistake. When we did linear algebra in middle school it was not this hard.”

In the aftermath of this incident, Dr. McIntosh will no longer hold office hours. “I’ve got more important things to do than help students find eigenvalues… like figuring out how in God’s name to use the e-mail machine.”

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