Op-Ed: My President was White

Ta-Nehisi Coates, who visits Northwestern today, recently wrote about how his president was black. I guess I too had a black president, the same one Coates wrote about, in fact. But I also had another president. His name is Morton O. Schapiro. And Morty, as they call him, he is white. So I guess you can say my president was white.

Let me explain. To my knowledge, Morty is not black, or any other race other than white. And at least as of this writing, he is the president of Northwestern University, the school that I’m graduating from this quarter. So with this information in mind, I can reasonably say that my president was white.

Morty is a lot of other things too, but white is his only race. He likes sports, but that’s not a race. He’s Jewish, but that’s not a race either. Only Nazis believe that! He lives in a nice house near campus, but that probably isn’t a race either. This all adds to the evidence that Morty is a president who is white, not black, or even Asian for that matter.

I’m assuming there’s a lot of implications to this. Morty’s kids must be at least partially white if genetics works the way I think it does. Morty probably says he’s white on census forms too. How else does Morty being white affect the world? Only time will tell.

Overall, while Ta-Nehisi Coates had a black president, I also had a white president, specifically Morty Schapiro. He seems like a good guy.

About the Author

Michael Miller
Michael Miller is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, where he wrote a thesis on the merits of Dippin' Dots. It was wildly unpopular in the scientific community, as most readers preferred Fro-Yo. He enjoys salad with grapes, but without the salad parts, and the grapes are fermented. He enjoys glasses of wine. The most shocking part of Michael's life is that he is an avid St. Louis Cardinals fan. Michael hopes to one day open a Dippin' Dots stand in Busch Stadium sot hat he can provide The Ice Cream of the Future to his brothers in red.

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