Sad Student Does Own Little Burlesque Show in His Room

Going through his sorry dance routine in detail, sad student Patrick Westwood, WCAS’ 19, told reporters today that he was putting on his own little burlesque show in his Lindgren single.

“I don’t really like making a whole big thing about my dancing. I just wanted to do something small in the comfort of my own room,” Westwood said, noting that he had already invited everyone on his floor as well as the Campus Loop shuttle driver he has befriended.

“I’ve been practicing all week in front of my mirror. Let’s just say everyone’s gonna love my fireman bit,” Westwood said with an utterly pitiful wink.

Westwood’s neighbors in Lindgren expressed puzzlement at the whole endeavor.

“I heard last year he just twirled around in front of his anime body pillows,” Max Fowler, MEAS ’20, said. “I’m still not entirely sure why he just doesn’t do the official Northwestern Burlesque show.”

At press time, reports alleged that the pathetic student was already planning his own little Dillo Day featuring his trademark xylophone solo.

About the Author

Michael Miller
Michael Miller is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, where he wrote a thesis on the merits of Dippin' Dots. It was wildly unpopular in the scientific community, as most readers preferred Fro-Yo. He enjoys salad with grapes, but without the salad parts, and the grapes are fermented. He enjoys glasses of wine. The most shocking part of Michael's life is that he is an avid St. Louis Cardinals fan. Michael hopes to one day open a Dippin' Dots stand in Busch Stadium sot hat he can provide The Ice Cream of the Future to his brothers in red.

1 Comment on "Sad Student Does Own Little Burlesque Show in His Room"

  1. Miles Byrne | April 11, 2017 at 9:26 pm |

    Depressing memes are depressing.

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