Area Sophomore Still Sits Criss Cross Apple Sauce

According to multiple sources, Nolan Springer, SESP ’20, was seen sitting criss cross apple sauce while occupying a table in Deering Library last Wednesday. “I can’t believe he still sits like that. Is he in fucking kindergarten?” said fellow student Emily Goldman, adding that he took off his Birkenstock fuzzy slippers right before crossing his legs. Other students have anonymously told Flipside reporters that Springer has been spotted around campus committing this horrendous act. Springer responded, “I don’t understand what’s wrong with sitting criss cross apple sauce. It’s really comfortable.” Before continuing, Springer suddenly refused to comment more after Flipside reporters could not contain their laughter. Sources later reported that the men’s gymnastics head coach offered Springer a full-time scholarship after declaring that “[he] is the most flexible kid I have ever seen.”

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