Although he had never mentioned a relationship, May continued, “he’d give me signs. Like once he sent me two messages in a row.”Read More
“Yeah, my parents and siblings will be here, so I’m going to pretend not to be disgusting for a couple days,” said Sanders in an interview.
“As soon as enough ethanol started flowing between the platelets and macrophages, I figured it was only a matter of time before the two of them started swapping molecules.”
“Sure, she’s not holding a solo front and center, but the ongoing keg stand and Jell-O shots behind the group kinda break the illusion that this was just a sober, intimate get-together among friends and also forty of their closest, shirtless fraternity friends.”
I’m not paranoid calling a shoveling service when I see snow piling up in my driveway I just don’t think it belongs in my community.
As of Tuesday, there has been a single response to McBride’s post. Grace Lin’s “lol”.
“I never wanted to be a mascot growing up. My dream was to move to an artist colony in Paris to pursue my passion of paw painting, but I got addicted to coke.”
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”
Step 1? Education. Step 2? Cologne overdose. Step 3? Employment.
“As soon as we saw the angry Twitter posts and op-ed articles in The Daily Northwestern, we knew that our event was a major success.”