In a press release from tech execs and romance experts alike, a new dating app, “LoneR”, shows the exact radius of people who don’t find you attractive. “We here at LoneR looked at dating apps like Tinder or Grindr, and found them wholly unproductive and inefficient for unattractive people. That’s why LoneR, upon loading it up, will show exactly how far within a hundred miles you’d have to go before someone even looks twice at you” says unconventionally beautiful and bitterly single LoneR executive, Melissa Guevara. Rather than having to put in user details, the app uses the camera to do a facial scan and delivers a verdict of “Honey, No, Come on.”
The debut included explanations of LoneR’s many exciting features, such as no other dating profiles to peruse and get your hopes up about, a link to Candy Crush, and platinum subscriptions to every porn site.
“The hope is that these apps will help empower people to embrace their singlehood, and realize dating apps are shit and wrong about me anyways,” mumbled Guevara, taking another swig out of her “I Love Lucy” engraved flask.